Cesarean

This is quite different than cesarean sections in Vegas
http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/m5RIcaK98Yg

Home this week

Today I feel like I am not enough, I try so hard but I still want to be more. I want to have a better memory. I want to be a better critical thinker, a better wife, a better friend, in better shape and in better health, a better student and a better mother. When I go to Utah, my preceptor praises me up and down to everyone. It is really nice that she has so much confidence in me. I look forward to going to Utah next week and shining in her presence. I am really good at doing just one thing. When I'm there, I am a really good CNM student and don't have to be anything else. At home, I feel stretched thin and don't have the time or energy to really excel at anything. Is mediocre at everything I do enough? The week is almost over and I feel like I haven't done enough housework, didn't spend enough time with my kids, hubby, and friends, didn't make it to the gym enough, and certainly didn't get enough homework done.

Hand Stitches

This weekend I was talking about binding with a friend and her mother. I always bind by machine. First, I align the raw edges of the quilt from the back with the raw edges of the binding and stitch by machine. Then, I take the folded edge of the binding to the front of the quilt and top stitch all the way around. After explaining this, I said, "I don't sew anything by hand, except perineums."

Utah Week 2

Being back in class feels so good. For a while there, I was struggling to see that I would ever graduate. I was falling out of the role of CNM student and starting to wonder if I really would ever be a midwife or have the skills I need. Since the semester started 7 days ago, all of that has faded.

The first day, my preceptor, Dixie Rasmussen, CNM  (she's amazing!) told me the she likes to have students shadow her the first day. After just a couple patient visits, she had me doing assessments, review of systems, listening to heart tones...  Dixie is an amazing CNM and an amazing instructor. She takes the time to explain why she does things. She teaches her patients about everything AND she deeply cares. I feel really lucky to be able to spend so much time learning from her this semester. She will change the way I practice as a CNM.

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.

Emily Dickinson