Hand Stitches

This weekend I was talking about binding with a friend and her mother. I always bind by machine. First, I align the raw edges of the quilt from the back with the raw edges of the binding and stitch by machine. Then, I take the folded edge of the binding to the front of the quilt and top stitch all the way around. After explaining this, I said, "I don't sew anything by hand, except perineums."

Utah Week 2

Being back in class feels so good. For a while there, I was struggling to see that I would ever graduate. I was falling out of the role of CNM student and starting to wonder if I really would ever be a midwife or have the skills I need. Since the semester started 7 days ago, all of that has faded.

The first day, my preceptor, Dixie Rasmussen, CNM  (she's amazing!) told me the she likes to have students shadow her the first day. After just a couple patient visits, she had me doing assessments, review of systems, listening to heart tones...  Dixie is an amazing CNM and an amazing instructor. She takes the time to explain why she does things. She teaches her patients about everything AND she deeply cares. I feel really lucky to be able to spend so much time learning from her this semester. She will change the way I practice as a CNM.

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.

Emily Dickinson

 

Starting again

I'm a month away from starting at a new and hopefully my last clinical site before graduation. I am feeling completely overwhelmed tonight about starting somewhere new and the fact that the new place is 4-5 hours away from home.

I just started a new job two months ago and already feel like I belong there so I don't know why I'm so worried about fitting in. I never seem to have a hard time anywhere I go but all the anticipation and anxiety before hand is exhausting. Starting somewhere new is hard because it takes time to get to know people and to learn the routines and culture of a new place. In addition to this, I have to continue to learn how to actually do the work, something I already knew going in to this new nursing job. 

The being away from home part is also concerning me. I don't want to be away from my kids but it has come to this. Nothing in Vegas has worked out. So next month, off I go to chase my dream hoping that my kids won't miss me too much, my house won't fall apart, I won't sleep through my alarm too often, I'll be able to keep my job, my husband will still love me, and my friends will still call me.