I'm a month away from starting at a new and hopefully my last clinical site before graduation. I am feeling completely overwhelmed tonight about starting somewhere new and the fact that the new place is 4-5 hours away from home.
I just started a new job two months ago and already feel like I belong there so I don't know why I'm so worried about fitting in. I never seem to have a hard time anywhere I go but all the anticipation and anxiety before hand is exhausting. Starting somewhere new is hard because it takes time to get to know people and to learn the routines and culture of a new place. In addition to this, I have to continue to learn how to actually do the work, something I already knew going in to this new nursing job.
The being away from home part is also concerning me. I don't want to be away from my kids but it has come to this. Nothing in Vegas has worked out. So next month, off I go to chase my dream hoping that my kids won't miss me too much, my house won't fall apart, I won't sleep through my alarm too often, I'll be able to keep my job, my husband will still love me, and my friends will still call me.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
A Survivor
Tomorrow I start at a new clinical site. I am feeling the calm relaxing days of my short spring break already wearing off as the reality of new classes sinks in. The University has decided to convert from quarters to semesters. Which means that in my program, the next three quarters will be smashed into TWO. Needless to say, kids, work, and marriage with extra school work on top has me wondering how I'll survive. The good part about the conversion though is that I will graduate a little early. Which means by the end of 2012, I will be done.
It would seem that going from a nurse to a nurse practitioner wouldn't be that big of a change. I'm discovering though that I am feeling out of place. I have worked as an L&D RN since 2005. My job is easy. I show up, do what I'm good at, and then go home. However, following doctors for school has made me feel like I'll never know enough. I am not a doctor and I am not going to med school but somedays I feel like I am just doing an extra long rotation a med student would do with a primary focus in OB/GYN. I may not be learning in depth cardiology, pulmonology, psychiatry or neurology but I am learning primary care and obstetrics. It is exhausting. Even though classes don't start until tomorrow, I spent some time today looking through the syllabuses so I could get my head wrapped around the new classes. What scares me is that I know how short a 10 week term is and how much I have to accomplish in that short amount of time. One of my new teachers encouraged the class to keep a journal or blog of experiences from school. Although it is a great idea and something I already really like to do, it is something that often gets neglected when I am taking classes. It is so hard to take the needed time for myself when my time is already so limited.
Last term I took a primary care class. I have a much better understanding of how to diagnose and treat a wide variety of common conditions now. I also learned a lot about screening and vaccinations. I also got to spend a lot of time learning from a great doctor and I got to meet a lot of interesting people. One woman came in the office one morning near the end of the term. She was thrilled to see me. She excitedly said, "You're the nurse who saved my life! I can't believe I found you!" I had to ask her when I cared for her because I couldn't place her face and I was sure that if I had "saved someone's life" I would have remembered...right?!? She quickly refreshed my memory of the horrible day where she teetered on death's doorstep and it all flooded right back in. There were some complications during her labor and I came on shift with her disoriented, confused, and still pregnant. Neurologically, there wasn't a whole lot working up there at the time and I was pretty sure she would never remember me. She was lucky though. She made a full recovery with a good outcome for her newborn too. The woman in the office was so different from the woman I cared for that day. I will never forget how much her family cried over her. I watched as they held her and prayed over her until I took her away for surgery. It was really good to get to know her in different circumstances. She was so happy to have lived and be able raise her children. She is a survivor.
It would seem that going from a nurse to a nurse practitioner wouldn't be that big of a change. I'm discovering though that I am feeling out of place. I have worked as an L&D RN since 2005. My job is easy. I show up, do what I'm good at, and then go home. However, following doctors for school has made me feel like I'll never know enough. I am not a doctor and I am not going to med school but somedays I feel like I am just doing an extra long rotation a med student would do with a primary focus in OB/GYN. I may not be learning in depth cardiology, pulmonology, psychiatry or neurology but I am learning primary care and obstetrics. It is exhausting. Even though classes don't start until tomorrow, I spent some time today looking through the syllabuses so I could get my head wrapped around the new classes. What scares me is that I know how short a 10 week term is and how much I have to accomplish in that short amount of time. One of my new teachers encouraged the class to keep a journal or blog of experiences from school. Although it is a great idea and something I already really like to do, it is something that often gets neglected when I am taking classes. It is so hard to take the needed time for myself when my time is already so limited.
Last term I took a primary care class. I have a much better understanding of how to diagnose and treat a wide variety of common conditions now. I also learned a lot about screening and vaccinations. I also got to spend a lot of time learning from a great doctor and I got to meet a lot of interesting people. One woman came in the office one morning near the end of the term. She was thrilled to see me. She excitedly said, "You're the nurse who saved my life! I can't believe I found you!" I had to ask her when I cared for her because I couldn't place her face and I was sure that if I had "saved someone's life" I would have remembered...right?!? She quickly refreshed my memory of the horrible day where she teetered on death's doorstep and it all flooded right back in. There were some complications during her labor and I came on shift with her disoriented, confused, and still pregnant. Neurologically, there wasn't a whole lot working up there at the time and I was pretty sure she would never remember me. She was lucky though. She made a full recovery with a good outcome for her newborn too. The woman in the office was so different from the woman I cared for that day. I will never forget how much her family cried over her. I watched as they held her and prayed over her until I took her away for surgery. It was really good to get to know her in different circumstances. She was so happy to have lived and be able raise her children. She is a survivor.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Half Way
This term stared the second half of my NP degree. I am finally beginning to understand how my role in patient care will be different and what my scope of practice will be. The first half of this degree was an in depth review of topics I studied in nursing school....physiology, pathophysiology, women's health, statistics, and pharmacology plus a look at the financial and political side of healthcare worldwide and in the U.S. This second half is different. I am learning how to think differently. I was excited to finally start the clinical portion of school. I've been following a great doctor in his office and seeing patients. It is going really well and I am beginning to understand how to play this new role. I am definitely looking forward to graduating and seeing what experiences lie ahead.
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