Reflection

A week ago, my grandpa had a severe stroke. It hasn't effected me like it has my mother but it has definitely slowed me down. I also watched friends struggle this week with finances, chronic health issues and child custody drama. Needless to say all these events have had me thinking about life and what is really important. What made my grandma survive this week? The support of her children. What got my friends through their trials this week? Support from friends and family. People are really what make life worth living.

This week I also reflected upon some of the happiest times in my life.... I had a really happy childhood and teenage years. Why? I had very supportive parents and close groups of friends. I also had amazing roommates in college and had good times with them. People have been there during the happiest moments. Now I am going to go out on a limb here and I know its extreme but I'm just thinking. I may be right and I may be wrong. I don't think monogomy is the healthiest structure for adults. After being married a couple years, I found myself in a catch 22 way of thinking, I knew my husband sincerely loved me but I didn't feel loved like I did when I was young. People need people and I've come to realize that one person may not be able to provide enough love for anyone to feel loved. How unfair it was for me to expect John to provide me with all the emotional and social support I needed. I would guess that a lot of people find marriage can be lonely too. Everyone says that marriage is what you are supposed to do, especially in Utah. They tell you that marriage is hard but worth it, leaving out the reasons why its hard. Its hard because it is not natural... people need people. I would also argue that some people can find a lot of satisfaction in marriage because they also have a lot of family and social support outside of marriage. I am saying that clicks are natural because people need people. I am not saying that there isn't a need for a deep, long term, loving relationship because I think that there is but I don't think it is enough to really make people happy.

I'm thankful for my pancreas

I have homework to do tonight but I am trying really hard to procrastinate by making an overdue blog post....

This first semester of school has been AMAZING so far! I love school. My biostatistics course has been a breeze and my advanced physiology course has been overwhelming. I have read most of the textbook for physiology and have learned so much. I had to laugh when I realized this week's topic is the gastrointestinal tract, perfect for Thanksgiving week. I am thankful for pancreatic enzymes that will digest and neutralize partially digested chyme as it enters my small intestine about 3 hours after the feast. It seems that every week I learn something that totally amazes me. This week the random amazing fact was that oral glucose works faster that IV glucose. The hormone GIP is released when glucose enters the mouth and it stimulates the pancreas to secrete insulin. With IV glucose, the glucose has to circulate until it directly comes in contact with the cells of the pancreas that secrete insulin, a slower process. WOW, how did I not already know that?

I have done very little related to sewing, quilting and crafts since school started. It hasn't helped that my quilting comrade Ashley has been on an assignment in Alaska for 42 days now. (She never asked if I was ok with her leaving for a few months but I've decided I'll still be her friend when she gets back anyway. I've missed her too much to hold a grudge.) I did however make it to one shop and the Las Vegas Quilter's display of the The Hoffman Challenge during the annual Shop Hop. I love shop hop but didn't buy a scrap of fabric this year... I wasn't sure what fabric was for anymore because there is so much dust on my Bernina. I didn't even make Halloween costumes this year, a first since giving birth 6 years ago. I did carve that vampire pumpkin to go with my vampire daughter so I'm still identifying as someone with a little bit of artistic ability.
I hope Thanksgiving finds you all healthy and surrounded by loved ones. I am so thankful for the amazing people in my life!

Countdown

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you've gotten nothing done even though you really have? I had a hard time falling asleep last night, woke up early to get the kids to school and have been running ever since. I still feel like I'm dragging. School starts for me in 6 more days. Tuesday my mom stopped by while I was in the middle of orientation. One of the "tips for success in an online program" was to get organized. I told my mom their recommendation as I was laying on the floor at my computer. She laughed for like 10 minutes and I joined in. It was well deserved. I decided to paint my master bedroom, retreat and bathroom before school starts so I can have a nice place to study. Getting organized is an understatement. The upstairs in my house has been a wreck as I have been painting this week. Thankfully I still have a little time to get my house in order, play with my kiddos and take pictures of flowers.

Just when I'm feeling comfortable, life throws a curve ball

I finally got all the parts and pieces turned in for my grad school application on Tuesday. Nurse Practitioner school here I come. It was only 4 days past deadline, but they still accepted it. No I wasn't dragging my feet, what's 4 days anyway. They didn't seem to care. College is like painting a bedroom. It is so much work but when you are finally done, you realize it was all worth it. Grad school has been in the plan forever but the idea had been buried for so long, it has hit me smack in the face. WTF am I getting myself into? Just as I am getting comfortable with the idea of it, I was sitting in my manager's office Friday and told her the exciting news. Her response, "Are you sure you really want to do that?" Thanks for crushing the dreams I have been trying to get excited about all over again. I decided it was time to go back to school because I've been an L&D nurse for 5 years. I've seen it all right? Nope. Recently I delivered a dead baby by myself without the doctor making it for the joyous occasion and pushed emergency medications down a patient's IV as she was seizing while holding her on her side so the baby inside her might still get some oxygen. I would love to lay out the details but HIPPA prevents that. How the hell am I supposed to process this crap if I am not supposed to talk about it? I am one of those people who can't watch scary movies because I can't separate myself from the characters. That applies to work too, I treat every patient as if it was me in the bed. Sure it makes me a good nurse but when bad things happen, it takes me a long time to get over it.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a ballerina but my parents kept telling me that I was too smart to just dance. When I grew up I still got into the arts- fiber arts. But I am trying to walk away again for intellectual pursuits. I don't think a career as an artist is any less stressful, just different stresses with much less risk. Artists don't usually deal with life and death situations at work. I hate seeing nurses in the news getting scrutinized because it is not an easy job. I want the judges and journalists to run around a busy unit trying to manage the care of several patients at once before they cast judgment, oh yeah and now that the night shift nurses are here to take over, don't forget to write everything down that you did over the last 12 hours so that you can defend yourself if anyone decides to sue you for taking care of them or their loved ones.

I really do love my job. I wouldn't have done it for so long if I didn't. Some days as a nurse suck and I just needed to vent. Now I feel better and can go back with a smile on my face.